EyePokeyLeigh

And I haven't written anything since. How sad to think that my job has taken over any free time I once had. Ah to be young. And now to be old.

I'm so very surprised that it has been this long...I was 15 when I first started this. I think I had more time to feel creative, or to feel bored. I don't know how I can keep up with this. Too much to worry about and not enough time to write it all down. Everyday I have a burst of inspiration but always at the wrong time, when I'm driving or working. It'll be awhile, but there will be something new ASAP. I'm not sure what it'll be but I don't break my promises.

It sucks when you know the only person you can talk to is gone. And when she doesn't answer your calls, the misery thickens.

I hate when people feel that they can be anything but nice to you, though all you are is nice to them.

When I was little I believed whole-heartily that my grandmother was my guardian angel, my protector, after she passed away when I was 4 or so. She was who I looked up to most, the person I never wanted to be separated from. I had no idea what was happening when I attended the funeral, in fact I remember gabbing through the whole thing (my father found that by giving me candy, it coincidentally shut me up). Besides that, I always found myself crying out to help for her in heaven, like she could make everything alright. Like, somehow, I could feel her presence near me, wrapped around me, and I would be okay and fall asleep.

I just...wish...it still worked.

...I seem to fall apart.

I don't mean to. I'm scared because I don't know how to fix this. I'm happy but I feel lonely. I want to do more than I am but it's hard. A lot of things aren't going my way like they used to and a part of me likes it. The other part is saddened, I feel stuck.

I don't how to explain this without being badgered to get a job, find a car and all the things I know need to be done. I don't want to be the only one...

Bah, anyone that doesn't live here should not have any right to eat my darn food or drink straight from the bottle.

I barely eat my own food...there's no way I'm gunna be happy when with someone who owes me money and expects it to be okay to eat my food. NO! No...gah, stop it!


I'm better now...but I would be better when I get paid.